Mom of a son with a cognitive disability...............shuns conventional wisdom.

WOW! So, yesterday I learned that many people, even people given a piece of the task of helping my son with his various behavioral challenges don't understand his condition. Well, I must avoid the details of this event so as not to appear that I am not appreciative of everything others do for my son. Let's just put it this way. My daughter at age 2 used to laugh in timeout, and would laugh about consequences for behavior. I had one person say I must not be harsh enough. Another person actually said that I lack some sort of mystical bond they could not explain to me how to get that I should have with my child that would immediately correct such an issue. Another said that I have not earned her respect. So, what are those people trying to say? Are they saying that I must lack some level of support from my own parents so I can't adequately help my child? Do they not believe I have taken responsibility? Are they trying to say I am incapable or don't understand love? Are they saying she ought to be spanked? In any case, such people seem to put the blame on me for this as though if only I were doing my job as well as they could these things most certainly would never happen. Well, my daughter grew out of that phase as many 2 year olds do and is now a very well behaved, intelligent and loved 8 year old. She is the product of responsible, loving parents who have disciplined and instilled a sense of responsibility and trained her properly. I am as imperfect as any other parent in my efforts and always growing. However, my son who is now six years old and still responding to discipline the same way as my two year old did earns me the same remarks. It was actually suggested to me yesterday that I have a talk with my son about his various behaviors because certain ones just are not supposed to happen. I wonder how she supposes I go about such a magical talk that would take care of his every challenging behavior and make him a normally developing child with perfectly acceptable behavior. I wonder if she is on some much higher plane of humanity than I that she has the answer! She should go on TV and share her secrets with all! I wonder if she had her thinking cap on yesterday that she actually told me that she knows "all about kids with disabilities" and what they do. She must be a grand source of wisdom. It's either that or my son's behaviors were driving her crazy and the truth is that she is simply not patient enough to cope and took out her frustrations on me! As always, it's actually a good thing I am his mom and not someone else! Maybe it didn't help that I smiled and said, "yes, he does that...." and almost laughed. I am learning to shun conventional wisdom when it comes to my unconventional son. He requires a completely different approach and one that accepts him and loves him as he is first. My job as a parent is going to be connecting with who he is. I'm going to implement a program at home that can do just that in fact! But, not many would understand such a program, it's not conventional wisdom. Increasing the consequences, spaking him, pushing him harder, or getting mad just are not solutions for him in the short term or the long term. Others just don't seem to get that. Oh well. Josh doesn't really care and he doesn't even understand if he earns himself a written warning for spitting! They truly haven't noticed yet that he cannot follow district student behavior guidelines? I do care in the sense that I will advocate for him as he requires certain accomodations for his behaviors. But, I don't care and I don't understand a written warning. It's meaningless in his case. Now, of course I will tell him not to but come on now, he uses a special STAR seat on the bus because they cannot not guarantee his safety in staying in his seat and they believe I ought to be able to control his spitting when I'm not even there? I can't guarantee he won't spit when I'm sitting next to him and neither can anyone else! My son is a work in progress just like your average 2 year old. He just so happens to be in a perfectly functioning 6 year old body! WOW - so maybe the next step for such a "professional" is to call DCFS? Good thing they know the difference between neglect and Autism/PDD/MMR because I'm sure there are people convinced I don't know how to care for him and would like to see my son taken away. Fine, put me on trial, that's conventional. It's a good thing there are people out there who do understand that a disability is one thing and a neglectful abusive parent is another and that the two do not go hand in hand. Pray for me my friends!